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PROOF THAT THE JEWS DID IT!!

by RatzingerBlog @ 01/08/05 - 23:09:57

People often ask me: "Oh Your Holiness, why do you condemn suicide bombs in London but not in Israel?" (see 'The Guardian' of London, 30th July 2005)

The answer, of course, is that there's no point condemning people for blowing up Jews - they are just doing the work of the Catholic Church, as directed by God Himself.

As for Londonistan, we now have final proof that the Jews are to blame.

Take a look at this map of the London Tube system.

And here's a list of the sites targetted by suicide bombers:

1. Edgware Road
2. Aldgate
3. Tavistock Square
4. Oval
5. Stockwell
6. Shepherd's Bush

Take a look at the map when you join those sites together!!

Anything look familiar?

Then, add other sites associated with the "suicide bombers" and what do you see?

This pretty much proves my point.

To comfort you in your hour of need, here is the next chapter of DaVatican Code and the Dead Brazilian: a dramatic, gentle, subtle ... yet filthilly erotically anally tinglingly labially eroginous tale of forbidden Bible texts.

Yours - still angry at those damn Jews,

Ratzy
XXXX

DaVatican Code and the Dead Brazilian

CHAPTER SIX - Poker is for Pussies

In the Yasser Arafat Memorial Suite (YAMS) of the Knesset, the air above the table was tense ... smoke-filled ... pregnant with anticipation. The temperature swelled and rose precipitously as it had for the last half hour since Global Warming suddenly hit town and the air-conditioning had been turned off for the Sabbath. A single light bulb (operated by a token Christian) etched a tight circle on the green baize surface.

"Raise you 500 shekels."

"I'll see that and raise you 2000 rials."

"I'll see that and raise you 400 dollars."

Muffy shifted uncomfortably in her seat, squirming in the damp sweat that pumped from her pubic pores and pockmarked the patterned polyester panties parked in her pert pudenda – a small silver capsule lay tucked behind her left labia. It was her Ace in the hole.

There was nothing for it, she must do it, raise the stakes again. She had no choice. But first, she used her Ace from HIS hole. She slapped what looked like a halal cocktail gherkin (mottled green, spotted, bent) but was, actually, the (formerly) throbbing love-wand of Prince Ibn N’Gecko with a small silver capsule pushed inside it (see previous Chapters).

Paddy O’Finnegan stared at her despite the fact staring was definitely not Kosher on Friday evenings. The atmosphere was both electric and eclectic ... what would von Bulow do?

The Vice President deposited his gigantically hot wad next to the “salami” (i.e. his wad of El-Watusi shares, see previous Chapters and try to keep up).

The opponent to his left was sceptical ... "El Watusi shares!! Worthless!!" he exclaimed vociferously loudly and reached into his Princely anus from which he pulled a cigar tube (he had seen this feat on “Papillon” the highly regarded movie thriller of the 1970s starring Steve McQueen about a man sent to Devil’s Island who had to keep the documents proving his innocence in a cigar tube – or similar – up his bum otherwise the evil French guards would find them and burn them and then he’d never get off the island but anyway he did get off eventually – though not with any of the other hot n' horny semi-naked prisoners much to the disappointment of my friend Luigi who was hoping for a nice long and successful wank in the cinema away from his parents who were always walking in on him in his bedroom – and prove he wasn’t a traitor after all – though who wouldn’t be a traitor to France – no French soldier ever got shot in the front my Grandfather used to say – of course he escaped – the guy on Devil’s Island, not my grandfather – come to think of it my grandfather also escaped but that’s another story – but I’m pretty sure his one and only friend on the island – was it Dustin Hoffman or somebody else – got killed. Or was it Dustin Hoffman who had the cigar tube up his arse and got killed and Steve McQueen who didn’t and got away? – I really can’t remember, I’ll Google it later. Which reminds me did your know that papillon means butterfly and in Spanish it’s mariposa but in German it’s schmetterlink which just goes to prove what an ugly, guttural language German is. Was it not the Emperor of Prussia who said “I speak French to my mistress, English to my butler and German to my horse” except he probably said it in German anyway and it might have been the Emperor of Austria who was probably also speaking in German) out of which plopped a shrivelled, detumescent one-eyed trouser snake.

Muffy and von Bulow both immediately recognised the pink circumcised appendage from the smell and the tattoo – “Prop. VP USA.” She remembered yearning that, once the wrinkled old man was aroused, the tattoo would read “Property of Klaude von Bulow, Vice President of the United States of America.”

But it didn’t.

She cast her pretty, feminine little mind back to that aridly humid night in the shimmering tent surrounded by sand when he had come to her second hole. (Her tent was pitched in a bunker at the Dubai International Golf Course ready for the annual Lipstick Lesbian vs. Bahrain Bull-Dykes grudge match. What a disappointment! – both the Vice President and the match. Who would have thought that an Arab country would be so hostile to rampant lesbianism? Over 600 Sapphists were pushed into the red sea that day – Muffy really should have warned them she was on her period – but hey! When do you see so much pussy in one place? The answer would be the Penthouse of Pussy (see previous Chapters.)

Paddy leapt to his feet. "Not so fast Prince!!"

"Where did you get that?" The Vice President was interrupted by loud pops of automatic gunfire.

... TO BE CONTINUED

BOMB YOUR WAY TO HEAVEN

by RatzingerBlog @ 28/07/05 - 22:56:13

People often ask me: "Oh Your Benedictyness, why does only Islam have Suicide Bombers?" To which, I say -- because you Christian youngsters are so lazy!!

And now, a recipe for Acetone Peroxide, the explosive used in the London bombs of 7th July 2005. You'll find all the ingredients at your local beauty supply shop or salon!

Jesus Christ HIMSELF orders you to kill yourself and others:

To quote from the New Testament (ignoring that older Jewish bit of the Bible).

1. "Honour all men as brothers." 1 Peter 2:17

2. "If any man come to me and hate not his father and mother and wife and children and bretheren and sisters, yea and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple." Luke 14:26

3. "And I say to you my friends, be not afraid of them that kill the body and after that have no more that they can do." Luke 12:4

4. "I am come to send fire on the earth ... suppose ye that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you nay; but rather division." Luke 12:49-52.

Clearly, ipso facto:

All men are brothers; you must hate all men; don't be afraid to die; Jesus wants fire and division on Earth.

Clearly, suicide bombing is the only rational Christian response!

Well, DaVatican Code and the Nocturnal Emission is really hotting up! Now for Chapter Five -- fasten your pews!!

CHAPTER FIVE – The Pussy in the Penthouse

In ‘Penthouse Pussy’, on the 160th floor of the World HQ of Lipstick Lesbians – with panoramic views of downtown Tehran – Vantessa rummaged vainly in her vagina. She had already massaged what the kibbutz girls called the "Israeli's inch" ...with no result. Where was it? Where was it? Both hands were scrabbling hopelessly among the erogenous residue in her passion passage. Even after using the wet/dry DustBuster attachment on her vulva it was still a damp job.

There was no other option. Using just a hairpin, a tampon applicator, lip-gloss – and her special training with the Bull-Dyke Foreign Legion – she converted her pocket G-spot vibrator into a CAT Scanner and surveyed Paddy’s entire body. He looked devilishly handsome as he lay pronely prostate on the shag-pile in the form-fitting yet fashionably voluminous puce, magenta and goldenrod uniform of the Plainclothes Israeli Secret Service Undercover Police (PISS-UP), hipster flared combat pants around his knee-high pin-striped orthopaedic riding boots and auburn pubic region exposed.

Vantessa’s scan yielded no result apart from Paddy’s silicone buttock implants. Where was it? Where was it? Despite her miserable, interminable, inexorable, unendurable, catastrophically doomed-laden and hopeless despair, she could not help laughing. As she spat in his one-eyed-trouser snake she remarked, “Ha – a small dick! The eternal curse of the Jew for murdering Our Lord!”

“That was the Italians.” A voice snarled from the open door. Muffy spat a wad of still warm semenuous joy juice into Vantessa’s eye, then revealed the small silver capsule clenched between her incisors. “Looking for this? That’s why I never swallow – despite the delicious flavour of week-old sushi! Lucky that the Israelis are premature ejaculators, the elevator ride is only two minutes.”

Before Vantessa could riposte with, “Oh no! – coming too quick, that’s the curse of the Irish,” Muffy put two slugs between her eyes.

(The slugs were soon eaten by the resident and ravenous pussy in the Penthouse.)

***

Unobtrusively, shouting “Zionist dog!” at the Metro ticket inspector and slashing at passengers with his glinting sabre, the third identical twin, Prince Ibn N’Gorogoro (like the crater in Tanzania) led his camel out of the Bastille station, the blood-stained, shrivelled trophy still tucked in his cheek. Something has bothered him on the journey from the airport … a strange familiar smell … not the sweaty bodies of all those French people … women with hairy armpits … not the camel shit. As he spat out the Vice President’s penis he identified the familiar odour emanating from the Small Satan ... that was it ... the taste ... Muffy's fragrance! The pong of Muffy’s pudenda clung to it! She had betrayed him! As he squeezed the flaccid excrescence in anger a tiny silver capsule popped out and dropped to the cobblestones.

“I’ll take that,” came a thick Tel Avivian brogue, from nowhere. Damn! The Prince could not see the tall, thin, muscular, well-proportioned, crew-cutted, red-haired agent with a bruised head in knee-length orthopaedic boots and cum stains down his crotch, the man’s PISS-UP uniform camouflaged him so perfectly from the grey brick of the Metro! Curse those clever French designers!

In a trice, the gefilte-eating Paddy was gone.

So was the capsule.

So was the Prince. Georgie W. the camel hadn’t been fed for days; he found only one thing inedible, a left nipple that was, actually, a midget trans-warp time-travelling flying saucer with a crew of 10 million ruthless human-eating planet conquerors ruled by a merciless, blood-lusting Soil-Association-approved Organic greenfly (but that’s another story).

***

On that night’s Paris Orly to Paris Charles de Gaulle EasyJet flight, First Class was full.

Muffy … Vantessa … Madame Madonna … Mik Al-Jakeson … Prince Ibn N’Gudu … Prince Ibn N’Gecko … Prince Ibn N’Gororo … Paddy O’Finnegan … Fifi Gilightly … Vice President von Bulow.

None of them were on the flight! It had been block-booked by a party of very, very, very stupid Catholic priests who couldn’t work out how to hail a taxi.

***

A few minutes into the future … everywhere was empty …

Mik Al-Jakeson’s Champs-Elysess pied a terre was vacant. He had been extradited to California to face unfounded paedophilia charges due to mistaken identity.

A cleaning boy at Lipstick Lesbian HQ noticed a black furry chimpanzee foot under the desk – and another assortment of disgusting stains on the rug.

Blood congealed on severed muscles of a hidden neck under a Rive Gauche brothel mattress. It was not business as usual at Chez-Madonna. The chess set was still missing.

A most unusual photo lay in his VPs annual health report atop the President's In-Tray.

A tent stood empty, door flapping outside Abu Dhabi, sheets drying crustily in the aridity.

Federal Aviation Administration inspectors argued over who got to go to Paris to inspect the stains on Air Force Two.

Rumpled yellow burkhas lay in the dust of Islamabad bazaar.

A lonely, hungry camel sauntered in the Metro Galleria, unable to exit through the revolving doors. Shop-owners grumbled as they swept away yet another day's dung.

Prince Ibn N’Gudu’s limo sank slowly in the Sea of Galilee. His footprints could still be seen in the water, heading for shore.

Four Likud members were surprised to find their poker table full of bullets.

All psychokinetic and psychoenergetic roads were leading to Katmandhu.

To be continued....

Oh God it's getting exciting!!!

Slurpy - yet celibate - mushynesses,

Ratzy

HOW TO EXPLODE

by RatzingerBlog @ 26/07/05 - 21:40:21

It really is TOO awful that the young people of today have lost the art of making decent home-made explosives.

Here is a recipe for nitroglycerine I learnt in the Hitler Youth and is guaranteed to make a huge impact!

1. Purchase a 2 litre bottle of Diet Coke (not Pepsi!)

2. Purchase two 75ml bottles of Glycerine from the Baking section in Tescos (not Sainsbury's)

3. Purchase 500ml of Concentrated Nitric Acid from a Glass Etching supplier from the Yellow Pages.

4. Retire to an isolated room and drink the Diet Coke.

5. Pour Glycerine and Conc. Nitric Acid into the empty bottle.

6. Shake vigorously!!

And now, after your exertions, while you rest quietly in your hospital beds - or, more likely, in 2,000 pieces splashed over the walls - immerse yourself in the latest temestuous tale from The DaVatican Code and the Unexploded Suicide Bomber.

You will find Chapter Four - Long Ago, In a Forest Far, Far Away … A Flashback! at the highly secret site:

DaVatican Code.

See: http://davaticancode.blog.co.uk/main/

CHAPTER FOUR - Long Ago, In a Forest Far, Far Away … A Flashback!

In which:

* Identical twins, a brunette girl and a blod boy, frolic naked in the woods!

* The Prince shoots their mother!

* A kindly chip gets out her nipples!

FOR PREVIOUS CHAPTERS: http://davaticancode.blog.co.uk/main/

Have fun with your banging dear friends,

Yours in the exothermic reaction of Christ.

RaztyBoomBoom

ASSEMBLE YOUR OWN NUCLEAR WEAPON!

by RatzingerBlog @ 23/07/05 - 16:36:45

Soon, it may be illegal (!!) to process Uranium in your own home and build an Inter-Continental Ballistic Missile in your garage! Let alone launch it against the Godless Communists - or, even better, Protestants.

So, My Holiness is proud to present an easy-to-use manual on 'How to Assemble an Atom Bomb in 378 Easy Steps.'

If you can put together an Ikea Coffee Table you can do this! (OK, that rules out anyone who went to Catholic School.)

Here is Part 1. Just collect the entire set and be the first person in your street to Rule the World!!

For Chapter Three of

DaVatican Code and the Unexploded Suicide Bomber.

See: http://davaticancode.blog.co.uk/main/

CHAPTER THREE – The Eczema and the Ecstasy

In which:

* Madame Madonna finds unusual uses for chess pieces!

* The Prince licks a Guatemalan!

* Vice President von Bulow gets his dick cut off!

FOR PREVIOUS CHAPTERS: http://davaticancode.blog.co.uk/main/

WOW!! -- I don't know about you, loyal heterosexist Catholic readers -- but I found that episode not only truly disgusting, filthy and degrading, but also arousing in a highly sexual way and my genitals are tingling in hithertoo unsuspected ways.

The Glory Hole in the St. Peter's Confession Box will be seeing some action tonight!! (Cute, virgin boys ONLY 8-10pm.)

Tune in tomorrow when:

* Vantessa searches her soul and vagina for clues!

* A chimp puts out!

* Gun violence pays dividends yet again!

* Those darned Jews cause more trouble!

Love,

Ratzy W. Bush ;):-/:>>

SUICIDE BOMBERS WANTED

by RatzingerBlog @ 21/07/05 - 20:16:06

To further the glories of the Catholic Church, we need some volunteers for VERY special missions:

* GENEROUS salary and conditions

* LONG-TERM contract!!

* GREAT benefits

* WONDERFUL Pension Plan

* Private Medical Insurance (except if injured)

* FREE explosives

* FREE Travel Pass to all public transport

* (Provide your own backpack)

The Catholic Church is an Equal Opportunity Discriminator. We reserve the right not to accept women, homos, tinted people etc ....... on second thoughts ... for the post of Suicide Bomber, we encourage applications from the above "special" members of society.

For Chapter Two of

DaVatican Code and the Half-Blood Suicide Bomber.

See: http://davaticancode.blog.co.uk/main/

CHAPTER TWO – The Naked and the Knowing

In which:

* Madame Madonna fondles the Bishop!

* The Prince paws the Queen!

* Vice President von Bulow catches crabs!

Love & slurps,

Dan RatzBrownzinger:DD:idea::?::?:

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