View From The Vatican

Pope Pius XII hoarded the body parts of saints! He had a fetish for feet (and other things) just look what I found.

Pius XII's collection of St. Peter's feet and testicles.

The more observant among you will have noticed that St. Peter had 6 feet and 1 testicle. But who the Hell are YOU to question the facts of the Bible?

In the wine cellar, hidden by a case of unwanted Ernest & Julio Gallo White Zinfandel (the gift of Nancy Reagan) I discovered the unburied body of poor Pope John Paul I. (Remember him? He was Pope for about two weeks until "God called him home" - i.e. John Paul II got impatient.) I think I'll leave him there, where he was happiest, among the booze.

John Paul I - not even decently embalmed!

In the Virgins Only Guest Room, where Mother Theresa used to stay, under the gin bottles, packs of chewing tobacco and well-thumbed copies of Hustler - was a curious (and really sticky) implement, perhaps a holy relic used in her very private relations with Jesus (she was a Bride of Christ after all). If you can identify it, it might speed Terry's path to sainthood.

What did Mother Theresa use this for?

On a tragic note, a recent convert to Fruitiness, Mr. Jc1989's lost his wife Hwang Titsancok during the recent tsunami (see Comments below). Strange, because she was at the summit of Mt. Everest at the time. Which proves what a bastard God is if you're not my disciple. Luckily, her badly decomposed body washed up here on Rome beach this morning. Send $4,500 and I'll ship her back to you; or let the bugs eat her. I'm easy.

And, another follower, Mr. MarkJT complains (see Comments below) that if he looks at Sue Narmy's nipples (previous entry) they follow him around the room.

I say - stop buying her tequila shooters dumbass!

Yours,