View From The Vatican

• PROOF THAT THE JEWS DID IT!! From RatzingerBlog in View From The Vatican (1563 days old)

  People often ask me: "Oh Your Holiness, why do you condemn suicide bombs in London but not in Israel?" (see 'The Guardian' of London, 30th July 2005) The answer, of course, is that there's no point… more

• BOMB YOUR WAY TO HEAVEN From RatzingerBlog in View From The Vatican (1567 days old)

  People often ask me: "Oh Your Benedictyness, why does only Islam have Suicide Bombers?" To which, I say -- because you Christian youngsters are so lazy!! And now, a recipe for Acetone Peroxide, the… more

• HOW TO EXPLODE From RatzingerBlog in View From The Vatican (1569 days old)

  It really is TOO awful that the young people of today have lost the art of making decent home-made explosives. Here is a recipe for nitroglycerine I learnt in the Hitler Youth and is guaranteed to … more

• ASSEMBLE YOUR OWN NUCLEAR WEAPON! From RatzingerBlog in View From The Vatican (1573 days old)

  Soon, it may be illegal (!!) to process Uranium in your own home and build an Inter-Continental Ballistic Missile in your garage! Let alone launch it against the Godless Communists - or, even better, … more

• SUICIDE BOMBERS WANTED From RatzingerBlog in View From The Vatican (1574 days old)

  To further the glories of the Catholic Church, we need some volunteers for VERY special missions: * GENEROUS salary and conditions * LONG-TERM contract!! * GREAT benefits * WONDERF… more

• DaRATZINGER CODE & THE HALF BLOOD CHOIRBOY From RatzingerBlog in View From The Vatican (1575 days old)

  Throw away your copies of Harry Potter -- one of my minions has discovered a secret manuscript that reveals the TRUTH about Christ and the foundation of the Catholic Church! It will be published on… more

• THE NUMBER OF THE BEST From RatzingerBlog in View From The Vatican (1579 days old)

  As you may have heard, some young, idealistic, “misguided” (and, oddly, rather tinted-skinned) Catholic men recently blew up themselves and 50 odd people in London. (Luigi, are 'Radical Islamists' st… more

• SUPPORT OUR SUICIDE BOMBERS!! From RatzingerBlog in View From The Vatican (1580 days old)

  To raise funds for the Vatican Suicide Squadron, I am selling a set of cigarette cards – commemorating my biggest heroes of the last century. (Smoking is especially good for kids!!) Why should … more

• NOSTRADAMUS From RatzingerBlog in View From The Vatican (1584 days old)

  As the great soothsayer once sayeth in Quatrain No. 666. La plume de ma underground de Londres Et sur la bombe de mon Al-Qa’eda The rough translation of this prophetic verse is: BOMBS IN L… more

• GENETIC MANIPULATION From RatzingerBlog in View From The Vatican (1587 days old)

  As Pope, I forbid in vitro fertilisation, stem cell research and genetic diagnosis technology. Some evildoers dare question my right to prevent you from trying to have a healthy child! If God wa… more

• WHY GOD IS WHITE From RatzingerBlog in View From The Vatican (1589 days old)

  People often ask me: “Oh Ratzy, why has there never been a black Pope?” My answer, of course, is that if we had black Popes, it would destroy the incentive to be born white! Just look at the pic… more

• NO NAZIS HERE From RatzingerBlog in View From The Vatican (1593 days old)

  Final proof that I was NEVER a Nazi!! Here is a photo of my family (I’m the handsome one second from the left) taken in 1935 – years before the Nazis came to power. A happy family gathering to c… more

• FREE MONEY !!!!!! From RatzingerBlog in View From The Vatican (1593 days old)

  After emptying his blessed bowels, John Paul II used to wipe his bum with US $100 bills (they’re very smooth!). However, as part of the new slimmed-down Papacy, my bum is washed by hand by a team o… more

• HOLY BODY PARTS BATMAN! From RatzingerBlog in View From The Vatican (1597 days old)

  I have been searching the closets of old (mostly crazy) previous Popes ... WOW!! Pope Pius XII hoarded the body parts of saints! He had a fetish for feet (and other things) just look what I found. … more

• TSUNAMI ANNIVERSARY From RatzingerBlog in View From The Vatican (1599 days old)

  People often ask me - "Oh Ratzinger the Fruity, why did a loving God allow 300,000 innocent people to die?" The answers are simple: Women, Godlessness and Tintedness. 1. Women: Why do you think … more

• St . PETER'S POOL PARTY !! From RatzingerBlog in View From The Vatican (1599 days old)

  Who says boring old farts can't have fun? Here we are in "gloomy" mood at John Paul II's funeral Here we are at this week's indoor barbeque! Doesn't the Sistine Chapel look great floode… more

• GLOBAL WARMING From RatzingerBlog in View From The Vatican (1603 days old)

  It was extra HB)T yesterday in Vatican City, another sign of Global Warming! I get pretty sweaty under all the holy silk robes woven with gold and silver thread, lined with platinum, and studde… more

• ASK FRUITY ANYTHING!! From RatzingerBlog in View From The Vatican (1605 days old)

  SAVE YOUR MISERABLE SOUL WITH DIVINE ANSWERS TO ANY QUESTION (Send Your Queries via the Comment Link) Q: From Kati* Holme* (who wishes to remain anonymous): T*m Cru*se just proposed to me! He i… more

• MICHAEL JACKSON From RatzingerBlog in View From The Vatican (1607 days old)

  FREE AT LAST, FREE AT LAST, THANK GOD ALMIGHTY HE'S FREE AT LAST! My great buddy Michael has been found COMPLETELY NORMAL IN EVERY WAY. And the evil little child has been found GUILTY of possessing… more

• LOVELY MEMORIES From RatzingerBlog in View From The Vatican (1610 days old)

  Thank you all for sending your photos of my Most Holiness. It is wonderful to remember those happy times. Keep sending them! Here I am celebrating my elevation to the Priesthood! And here I … more

• FILTHY FILTHY LIBELS!! From RatzingerBlog in View From The Vatican (1613 days old)

  Two disgusting emails are circulating on the Internet (whatever that may be) about my most Holy Person. Allow me to refute them utterly: 1. “Does the Pope shit in the woods?” No I do not. Nor am I … more

• St MELVIN GIBSON From RatzingerBlog in View From The Vatican (1615 days old)

  Dear Believers, My first act as Pope (after replacing JP2's complement of ancient Polish nuns with ripe young Aryan altar boys to cater to my VERY personal whims) will be to canonize Mel Gibson. … more

• WORSHIP ME! From RatzingerBlog in View From The Vatican (1633 days old)

  HI CATHOLIC PALS!! My first few weeks as your new Lord and Saviour have been very exciting. I am a quiet, humble man. My demands are simple: • complete unquestioning obedience • ignorance and… more

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