View From The Vatican

Throw away your copies of Harry Potter -- one of my minions has discovered a secret manuscript that reveals the TRUTH about Christ and the foundation of the Catholic Church!

It will be published only HERE!! in daily installments, leading to a moving and sexually stimulating finale!!

DaVATICAN CODE & THE HALF-BLOOD CHOIRBOY

For Chapter One, see:

http://davaticancode.blog.co.uk/main/

CHAPTER ONE - The Knowing and the Naked

In which:

* Muffy Al'Wadi screws the Vice President!

* Paddy O’Finnegan of the Israeli Secret Police meets his sticky end!

* Vantessa's loins eroginate with lubrication!

* A dismembered head rolls erratically down the north face of the Great Pyramid!

* The world ends.

Most sincerely,

J.K. Ratzinger

As you may have heard, some young, idealistic, “misguided” (and, oddly, rather tinted-skinned) Catholic men recently blew up themselves and 50 odd people in London.

(Luigi, are 'Radical Islamists' still
a branch of the Jesuits?
- Ratzy xxxxxxxx & slurps
Confession Box 10.00pm)

As I have said many times before, killing Protestants, Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Atheists, Mormons, Sihks, Seventh Day Adventists, Masons, Harry Potterites, Lapsed Catholics etc is a perfectly rational and devout act - so long as your aim is to promote the Faith rather than for personal glory.

Proof comes in the form of Blessed Numerology.

The date of the London bombs was 7/7.
The bus that blew up was No. 30.

77 + 30 = 107

Multiply by the Holy Trinity: 107 x 3 = 321

Multiply the first number by the second: 3 x 2 = 6

Multiply the second number by the first: 2 x 3 = 6

Multiply the last number by the sum of the two above calculations: 1 x 6 + 6 = 12

Divide the last number by the number of Popes named John Paul: 12 / 2 = 6

Replace each number in 321 by the numbers thus derived: 321 = 666

Thusly, we know that God himself ordered the attack on London!!!

Hallelujah!

!!!!!!! PopuDoku !!!!!!!

Many Catholics are staying away from Church to indulge in a sinful activity calledSoDoku, which involves the use of demonic numbers to call up Lucifer from his pit of darkness.

Therefore, to enable TRUE BELIEVERS to enjoy number games without participating in SIN, the College of Cardinals has approved an exciting new game called PopuDoku.

Just fill in the squares so that every line has at least three 6s!
It’s harder than you think!

Well, at least it is for someone who went to a Catholic school, where we only allow counting beyond the number 3 when it comes to the Collection Plate.

Ratzinger the Number-Cruncher

To raise funds for the Vatican Suicide Squadron, I am selling a set of cigarette cards – commemorating my biggest heroes of the last century. (Smoking is especially good for kids!!)

Why should Muslims get all the big explosions and free publicity?

Apparently, Islamic suicide-bombers go straight to Paradise and get 72 virgins to keep them company.

Well, never let it be said that the Catholic Church can’t compete with a patriarchal religion founded by bigoted men in beards living thousands of years ago in a sweaty Middle Eastern desert!

When it comes to incentives – we got ‘em!

Every member of the Vatican Suicide Squadron who blows himself (wow, I’d like to see that!) up along with a bunch of innocent civilians not only goes straight to Heaven, but gets 73 virgins and a coupon for 50% off manna!!

Just cut the cards out of your screen and send me $6.66 for each one.

I trust you.

But remember, God is watching and burning at the stake can be reintroduced at the drop of a match!

"Violence is the only way to Peace and Love."

Wisdom of Ratzinger the Fruity.

Lurve,

FrootyTooty

PS: Above, I am using the Latin spelling:

Collecti -- take money from starving children

Blea -- the pathetic cries of starving children

Let's have no spelling Nazis leave comments PLEASE!!

As the great soothsayer once sayeth in Quatrain No. 666.

La plume de ma underground de Londres
Et sur la bombe de mon Al-Qa’eda

The rough translation of this prophetic verse is:

BOMBS IN LONDON
Means BOMB SIN LONDON

Which is an instruction to the faithful rather than a prediction.

They taught us at the seminary to love our enemies (except for the bastard Protestant British) and I can only repeat the lovely prayer that the Bishop of Auschwitz used as he sprinkled Holy Water on the Luftwaffe missions leaving for London.

Dear Lord, bless these lovely explosives as they fly in the belly of these pretty planes through the sunny air toward stinky England. May the massive release of energy kill many, many, Britischer swinehundes and clear a dainty path for our Stormtroopers to invade and glut themselves on the flower of Anglo womanhood.

Heil Hitler

As Pope, I forbid in vitro fertilisation, stem cell research and genetic diagnosis technology.

Some evildoers dare question my right to prevent you from trying to have a healthy child!

If God wanted you to have normal children He would not have made you all such a bunch of stupid, ignorant, retarded morons. (I say that with deep empathy and understanding).

Even if you have abnormal children, they can change. Look at what happened to me and my brother Georg after we found the Catholic Church.

Satanists say that my opinion does not matter because I am a 95 year-old dimwit who may, or may not, have:

A. Had an anal wart that looked like the Blessed Virgin Mary
B. Ejaculated into my mother’s brassiere
C. Suckled the puckered nipples of a pre-op transsexual
D. Almost choked on the scrotum of a Portuguese sailor
E. Drooled over the pert, slapped, buttocks of my older brother
F. Tried to pull a French tickler condom (strawberry flavour) over my flaccid man-tool
G. Sniffed the sweat-stained, split-crotch, panties of a $2,000 an hour pole dancer
H. Chewed floor sweepings after a Brazilian wax job and spent an hour getting pubic hair out of my teeth
I. Masturbated while watching The Passion of the Christ

There are very straightforward answers to such shameful and disgusting allegations:

A – it was a genuine medical miracle. The photos are in the June 1942 issue of The Lancet, I appear under the pseudonym of “Anonymous VD Patient Number 69”
B – she wasn’t wearing it at the time (although it was still warm)
C & H – were, technically, legal in Morocco at the time
E – they were VERY pert
I – everybody at the Vatican IMAX was doing it
F – I’d had 15 Jello shots, who wouldn’t be a bit limp?

And the others are well past the Statute of Limitations.

I hope this settles the matter.

Loopy Fruity